Today is 12dpo and I got a BFN. I know without a doubt that this cycle is over. Strangely I'm just numb to it now. This chapter of just using meds is over. The idea that I might get pregnant by having actual sex with my husband is over. Now we move on to IUI which means if I get pregnant it will be in the RE's office. I'm obviously not against it, I'm just kind of mourning the loss of any control.
I guess I kind of grouped treatment together like meds+TI, IUI and then IVF. So the way I look at it I've exhausted 1/3 of my options for a biological child. It's just very sad to me.
I'll have to do another post about my weekend and IF talk with my grandma and aunt (it's quite interesting), but on the way to MO this weekend I read an article with Robin Roberts. She has battled so much in her life, but says she just chooses to be happy. There are days she could barely walk and didn't have the energy for a shower. Even with all that she is going through she does not let it take away her spirit. She just chooses to be happy. I've decided to do the same.
I'm just going to choose to be happy.
-L
I am sorry about your BFN. I tested yesterday at 12 dpo and also got a BFN. I get what you mean about feeling numb. After 2 rounds of clomid + TI and 5 IUI's I just expect it not to work.
ReplyDeleteIt is tough knowing that your child will most likely be conceived in a dr's office, when that upsets me I think to myself that "This child was so wanted that we were willing to do so much to create it" and that helps a little bit.
I am so sorry for your BFN, I expect the same in a few days as well. I hadn't thought of it the way you just said it but I think DH feels the same way, he doesnt like the idea of our child not being concieved from just he and I together. You are exactly right though, we can still CHOOSE to be happy :-)
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Lauren. Sending you lots of hugs! As hard as the process is, try to stay positive that one way or another you will have your baby. And whether conceived naturally, thru meds, in an office, or in a lab, that baby will be yours and your husbands! You will love him or her just as passionately (and more) as you are about conceiving.
ReplyDeleteI think it's natural and healthy to let yourself be upset. Keep your eyes on the prize pretty lady!!
<3 <3 <3
I am so sorry about the BFN. :( Big hugs. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, girl =(
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