Does the anxiety go away?

I feel like the days are creeping by so slowly.  My gut tells me that everything is fine and baby is perfect, but this little IF voice in the back of my head is giving me anxiety about everything.  I can't imagine how I will survive the minutes leading up to the first u/s.  I'm still waiting for the nurse to call me and schedule it.

Does this anxiety ever go away?  Do you ever feel 100% confident that you are going to end up with the baby in your arms? 

I've prayed so hard every day just asking God to let this baby be healthy.  I'm taking tests everyday just to reassure myself, but then analyzing if it looks darker than the day before.  I'm telling you that I'm about to lose my mind lol.  My RE nurse acts so confident that everything is okay so maybe I should just trust her for now? 

I would love to know how you ladies that have gotten your BFP after IF have stayed positive and made time go by faster.  Anything would help right now!!

-L

Betas!!

Yesterday around 4:40pm the nurse called and told me my beta was 14 and p4 was 17.  I felt horrible after that call.  14 sounds so low.  I googled a ton and came up with the conclusion that as long as it doubles we are still in the game.  I requested to go in the very next day.  They warned me that the numbers would not double by then and I would be let down even if this is a healthy pregnancy.  I prayed over and over again, begging God to let this little one be healthy.

Then today she called me with the results.  I've been crying since.

Beta 26 and p4 21.7!!!!   Doubling time of 25hours!!!!  

My RE is extremely happy with these numbers and prefers to do no more betas right now and just move forward with an ultrasound in a couple weeks.  HOLY SHIT!!!  I know we have a long way to go before we are in the clear, but this is a huge releif to me that the numbers are going up!


-L

Unexpected News

I'm not sure I have ever been more shocked than I am right this moment.  I woke up this morning with one of the worst migraines I have had in a long time.  For some very very strange reason I decided to test.  You all know that I don't test unless I'm late on my period.  But today I did.  I looked at the wondfo and thought I had surely lost my mind.  There is no way a second line could be showing.  Not after everything we have done and still getting negatives, then this one lousy cycle that we only had sex once before traveling worked.  No way.  So I drove like a mad woman to Walgreens to grab a box of First Response Early Response.  Within 3 minutes I got this:

 

 

 

 

And then I started crying for a solid 20min at least.  E had already left for work so I grabbed the present with the onsie I've had for a year waiting and drove to his work.  Before he even opened it he said "I knew it!  I knew it!".  He swears something has been different about me lately.  Who knows.

 

I then called my mom and dad and told them on the way to my first beta.  Of course they are so freaking thrilled.  But we are all cautious.  It's still really early and I don't have my beta or progesterone numbers back yet.  Based on my last period my EDD is 2/2/2014 (also the day E proposed to me).

 

You know I'll update you as soon as I know.  Please please please say a prayer for this baby or send good vibes if you can.

 

But Holy F*ck I am KTFU!!!!

 

-L

CD25

Sorry I didn't have a better title for this post lol.  Honest to God this is the hardest 2ww I've had in a long time!  Not because I'm anxious to see if I'm KU, but because I'm anxious to start next cycle.  Last cycle was only 26 days so if this one is the same I should be starting a new cycle by the weekend!  I'm so confused by my body all the time though.  My breasts are still killing me!  I mean like I'm super nervous for Zumba tonight because how much they hurt.  Is this the first time in almost 2 years that my progesterone is up on it's own?  Strange. 

I have decided to do everything in my power to make next cycle a success.  So here is the breakdown I have came up with so far:

-Starting today I'm going to acupuncture twice a week.
-Cutting caffeine, gluten, and dairy out of my diet.
-I'm going to eat raspberries, Brazil nuts, and pineapple core at the times advised.
-Based on TCM, I'm going to try to keep my body as warm as possible so my body can focus on sending blood flow to my ute and not worry about the rest of my body. 
-I seriously might even do a sage cleanse just for good measure lol  (I've had it laying around my house waiting for a good time to burn it anyway)
-We are going to work on getting plastics out of our home a little at a time.  We use a lot of Rubbermaid to carry lunches in and drink out of water bottles so we are going to start cutting out that too.

If  you have questions about why I would be doing any of that stuff above feel free to ask me or it's worth a google just to see the research behind it all.  I'm going way overboard for sure, but that is so much my personality anyway. 

Now for some pics from last week just so this post isn't too boring lol.

 I cut my hair off

 

Caught a fish!

 

The parentals

 

 

Have a lovely week ladies!!

 

 

-L

 

Missouri

This past Saturday I flew out to Missouri to stay with my parents for a while.  E has to go to business meetings on the East coast for a week and then down to GA for a big car event, so I thought it was the perfect time to come out to the country with my folks for a bit!  I love it out here so much.  It's so peaceful and beautiful out in the country.  The spring is the most beautiful time in Missouri.  Here are some baby geese that live on my parents pond each year.

I'll be flying back on Monday and I can't wait to see my hubby!!  This is the longest we've ever been apart!



TTC Update:  Well the last OPK I took on CD13 was negative, but E and I still BD anyways.  I left early Saturday morning so there was no time for BDing on that day.  On CD15 I had a lot of EWCM and what I really think was ovulation pain.  I've maybe had O pain twice ever so I'm not positive, but I'm thinking that is what is was.  CD16 up to today my breasts have been incredibly tender!  This is something I haven't had since the first month I went off BCP!  They just hurt like crazy!  So I'm thinking based on symptoms alone that I might have actually O'd this month and my progesterone is up because of that.  Of course my body would decide to act right just when I'm leaving town and can't sex it up with E lol.  Oh well, I'm just happy we only have about two more weeks before we start our IUI cycle!!

Also, I wanted to share this verse with you that my phone sent to me today: "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."  Psalm 27:14.     I needed that reminder today :)

-L

Follow up Blood work

Nothing too exciting in this post, but I do have some home upgrades to share with you later :)

With my last RE visit we had some follow up blood work to do.  She tested my thyroid, insulin, and vitamin D again.  And it is great to report that it is all good!  Last time we tested my Vitamin D was 18 which is deficient.  She started me on 4000iu a day and three months later it's up to 46!  I will continue the dosage of Vit D for the next few months, retest, and if it has gone up again she will lower the dose to 2000iu.

My thyroid is looking great and perfectly in normal range.  And my insulin is now down to an 8!  Overall my RE is super happy with my bloodwork and weight loss right now which makes me feel a little guilty for the crappy food I've eaten this week.  Back on the diet!

Today is CD11 of our last natural cycle.  I started testing with OPK's yesterday (lotta good that does with PCOS), but I still want a shot this month.  Both E and I fly to seperate sides of the country on Saturday which will most likely be the day before I O if I'm going to at all this month.  So that gives us one last chance at having a baby the old fashioned way :)   However, I'm just ready to get this show on the road to our IUI already!

-L

Weekend Recap

Since I have nothing going on with treatments right now, I feel like I don't have much to talk about.  So I will just tell you about our weekend.

I fell in love with IKEA.  Yes, I know it's sad that I had never been to an IKEA before, but in my defense we do not have one in my city.  I actually saw the H&M commercial with Beyonce and decided I needed to shop at H&M immediately.  Of course, no H&M in Nashville so E wanted to drive me down to Atlanta for some shopping!  A few friends wanted to join so we headed down there yesterday.  First stop was IKEA.  I had such a piss poor attitude about IKEA until I stepped foot in there.  I will never be the same again!   I loaded the cart up with new curtains, lamps, organizational stuff, candles, etc.  I'm so excited to put it all up in the house now.

Then, to H&M.  I did a lot of damage there too lol.  Swimsuit, shoes, work out clothes, shirts, and pants.  I am a happy girl now.  Seriously why does Nashville not have either of these stores?!  This weekend I am flying to Missouri to spend 9 days with my parents.  I am so excited because my mom is also my favorite shopping buddy. 

Random note:  I started a Youtube channel.  Not sure if I'll keep it up and I'm way too nervous to share it with anyone right now, but there is one video up right now.  I'm trying to move in a direction of advocacy so I'm working on being comfortable with discussing IF with others.  It's different when you can just type stuff out and no one can attach a face to it.  So anyway, I'm working on that and will share a link when I get the courage lol.

-L