Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Green Flowers

I just wanted to tell you all the cutest thing.  E and I have been discussing how we are going to save some money for all this IF stuff.  So last night he comes home and tells me he brought me home green flowers.  I was so confused until he led me to his wallet where he had taken cash out of the bank and handed it to me.  "See green flowers!" he said with a smile on his face.  We decided to put back a chunk of money every week in a hidden envelope and E was just getting that plan started.

I realize this might not be cute to y'all, but I swear he is adorable and I love that he put this plan in motion for us!


Today I went in for day 2 of my Lupron Challenge Test.  Not sure if I told you exactly what this is and I'm not sure I know exactly either.  From what I understand it's to evaluate my FSH, LH, and Estradiol secretion before and after pituitary stimulation with Lupron. Patients who show a higher increase of estradiol and LH after the Lupron are capable of developing more eggs and using lower quantities of fertiltiy drugs .  They also said it helps test the quality of my eggs.  I also had a culture done today.

I'm still figuring out this insurance stuff.  I am 100% sure I did not pay any dedcutible last year.  I think the new RE office is not coding or asking the insurance for testing coverage.  So I'll give them a call since God forbid the lady at the office goes the extra step to be correct.

-L

Monday, February 25, 2013

Beyond confused, overwhelmed and angry

Wonderful AF decided to visit me 10min before walking out the door Saturday night for a girls night.  Of course, a few drinks made it much better. 

Today I went in for CD3 blood testing which apparently was never appropriately done.  I got 8 vials of blood taken, a lupron shot, and an ultrasound.  I'll go back tomorrow to see how I responded to the lupron.



Here is what I'm so lost about right now.  I really hope this is not rambling.  They will not give me any test results until everything is done then I'll have a follow up appointment with RE to go over everything.  The nurse said he wants too look at all factors before drawing any conclusion.  I agree with this.  However, my biopsy is not until April 11th and the follow up won't be until May.  So I have to wait all that time to see what the big picture is??!!!  That means 3 cycles at minimum of no treatment.  It's kind of sad to me.

Also, we were going over financial information and I don't understand insurance at all.  No matter how much it was explained to me I can not understand.  She told me that my insurance said I have a $900 deductible then they will pay 80% of testing.  I haven't had to pay for any testing last year so I don't understand if something has changed or what?  I guess I'm upset because I have always known that I pay 100% OOP for treatments, but I have never factored in paying for testing.  So now I guess the biopsy will be around 1k at least and who knows how much more.  I had to hold back tears driving home thinking about how pissed I am that all of us going through IF have to pay for this.  It's unfair.  It's so fucking unfair.



-L

Friday, February 22, 2013

New RE?

Today was our first appointment with a new RE.  We were  only planning on getting a second opinion and hearing what someone else would do.  Well, we are in love with this new RE!  He is scattered and long winded, but he is so freaking smart!  With my last RE I always second guessed her like I didn't trust what she was saying or that I kind of knew just a little more that her (thanks to TB ladies lol).  But this new guy knows his stuff.  He taught me all kinds of new things today about how cells inside your ovaries work just to make a perfect egg and how he will test all kinds of things that could be throwing off those cells.

He has ordered a lot more blood work and testing that my previous RE failed to do.  Also, I will be having a biopsy of my uternine lining which I have not ever heard of.  He said they will put me to sleep, go through my cervix with a fiber optic cable and biopsy some of the lining.  From there he will test it for all kinds of things.  Has anyone ever heard of this?

Also, E will be getting another SA soon.  So basically it sounds like we will be doing testing for a couple cycles, figure out a game plan, then figure out what we can afford.  This RE is a little more expensive so finanaces are going to play a big part on timing.

Overall, I'm very happy.  Overwhelmed, but happy.  I think we finally found the dr that will help us have our baby!

P.S.   I'm still waiting on AF after stopping progesterone 3 days ago.  Any day now AF!

-L

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

My Weekend

This past weekend we decided to drive out to my parent's house in Missouri.  We got there late on Friday night, but when we woke up we saw this.

 
 
It was a perfect snow.  We stayed in most of the weekend with the fire going and just relaxing.
 
 
On Sunday we went to my grandma's house for lunch.  At one point we were alone in the living room and she tells me it's been on her heart to talk to me about IF.  (Thanks Dad for spilling the beans!)  I wasn't upset that he told her because I think he was just trying to keep her from asking me about kids every time she sees me.  Anyway, she told me it took her 3 years to conceive her first child and three years after that for the second.  So yes, she did struggle with infertility, but back then they didn't really have many treatment options so she didn't.  But her grand advice for me? RELAX.  Yes sistas, my grandma gave me the most cliche and hurtful advice possible.  I can't.  I love her, but I just can't even. Ugh. 
 
So then my aunt walks by and says "did I hear you saying you and E are trying to have a baby", cue sigh, "Yes we are aunt T, but we are dealing with infertility".  She then has this long talk with me about her struggle with infertility which of course ended with being child free not by choice.  It was heartbreaking to hear.  I remember her miscarriage when I was younger, but I really didn't know the whole story of her IF, miscarriages, adoption promises being ripped away from her right before the baby was to come home with her.  It was heartbreaking.  I wanted to cry for her and I did later in private.  I just prayed that when she was in the thick of it she had someone to talk to like I do with y'all.  I'm thinking about writing her an email telling her how much it meant to me that she shared her story with me, but I don't know if it's too painful for me to bring up to her.  All in all I learned so much about my grandma and aunt.  I can't believe how strong the both of them are.
 
-L


Tuesday, February 19, 2013

P4 Results Finally

I finally got my results back and my P4 was at 33.3!!!  That was the best I've ever had.  I emailed my RE and we agreed since I got a negative test today I could go off my progesterone and if I don't have my period by Thursday I'll go in for a beta. 

One Chapter Done

Today is 12dpo and I got a BFN.  I know without a doubt that this cycle is over.  Strangely I'm just numb to it now.  This chapter of just using meds is over.  The idea that I might get pregnant by having actual sex with my husband is over.  Now we move on to IUI which means if I get pregnant it will be in the RE's office.  I'm obviously not against it, I'm just kind of mourning the loss of any control. 

I guess I kind of grouped treatment together like meds+TI, IUI and then IVF.  So the way I look at it I've exhausted 1/3 of my options for a biological child.  It's just very sad to me.

I'll have to do another post about my weekend and IF talk with my grandma and aunt (it's quite interesting), but on the way to MO this weekend I read an article with Robin Roberts.  She has battled so much in her life, but says she just chooses to be happy.  There are days she could barely walk and didn't have the energy for a shower.  Even with all that she is going through she does not let it take away her spirit.  She just chooses to be happy.  I've decided to do the same.

I'm just going to choose to be happy.

-L

Thursday, February 14, 2013

CD19: What a day





What a morning I had!  So first E comes in to tell me he needs to use my car because his is not starting.  I told him I had to go for my blood test so he'd have to take our truck.  His car was sticking half way in the road so I went to help him roll it in the driveway.  I asked him to show me what the car was doing.  I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but E is really really into cars.  He knows how to fix anything on European cars.  It's his main hobby and all he thinks about.  So imagine how tickled I was when I was the one to figure out what was wrong with it!!!  That's right, I informed him that he had let his car run out of gas.  We both laughed about it for about 10min straight.

Then, I drive out to get my P4 drawn.  I look at my lab request sheet and the nurse who was filling in for my normal nurse had forgotten to check anything on the paper!!  I had to wait on hold with my RE office for 20mins then finally have the nurse give the verbal order to another nurse at the women's center.  I had to walk back over to the lab and give them the new sheet.  Such a pain!

And they still haven't called with my results. WTH??!!!  When I first started seeing this RE she would have blood results back within a couple hours.  Now it's taking all day.  Slacking I tell ya.

I really hate that every month I look at what my due date would be if I conceived.  It gets my hopes up.  Makes me start thinking about all the possibilites.  Like when I would announce, when we'd find out the gender, planning vacation, etc.  Well if I got KU this cycle I would be due on Halloween.  That's right, my own little monster.  This might be the first time a possible due date would fall on a holiday.  It's kind of cute. I'll take any day of the year for a due date though.

On another note, how in God's name am I supposed to make Valentine's Day sexy while inserting progesterone supplements twice a day?  IF ruins every day!!!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Weekend Recap

Usually I don't update with too much personal stuff, but let's face it, in the 2ww we will do anything to make the time go by faster!  I'm currently 5dpo with nothing to report.  I'll go in on Thursday for P4 and I'm anxious to see what that will be since starting my prometrium earlier this time. 

So E worked most of this weekend and I just tried to keep myself busy.  We went to a couple's dinner with 3 of our coupled friends which was interesting.  I always have hard time being around a couple of the girls because they both got pregnant on accident and just loooovvveee to talk about it constantly.  They are nice girls, I really like them, I don't hold it against them, but it's just hard to hear about it so much.  Also, they are all very very fit and feel the need to tell me what I should be eating every time I see them.  One even said "I saw you drink soda at my Superbowl party and you really need to stop drinking that".  WTF??!!  After dinner we all went and watched Identity Thief which was hilarious!!  I needed a good laugh after that dinner.

On Sunday I went shopping with my best friend and was able to find two really good bargain buys that made me happy.  The first was this arrow ring from Charming Charlies for $6.00! It looks way cuter on.  It's called Cupid's Arrow.


And the second was this adorable shirt from White House Black Market.  It was originally $68 and I got it for $39.  I had a gift card so really it was free :) I searched forever for a pic of it, but no luck.  Just imagine a cute sparkle shirt below lol.

Hope you all have a great week!

-L


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

CD10

First, I just want to say how thankful I am for all of you.  Every comment you leave, encouraging emails, and letting me vent through chat (Sabrina) means the world to me.  I can't imagine where I would be without y'all!  Love you girls!

 

Now on to updates.  I went in for monitoring this morning.  So far in all my medicated cycles, I have gotten a +OPK before going in for monitoring.  This time I had not.  My initial thought was that I was going to go in and it would be too early so a second ultrasound would have to be set up a few days later and another $400.  Well I was wrong :)

On the right ovary I have a 22 and an 11. On my left it's like 5 follies all 8 or 9.  My lining is at 7 which my RE doesn't seem concerned about, but I've always heard 8 or above is best.  Hopefully it will thicken up over the next couple of days. 

So I'm triggering tonight!  Also, I'm very happy because RE decided to have me start progesterone on 4dpo instead of waiting until 7dpo for the P4 test.  I'm hoping this will make a difference this cycle.  E and I left today feeling really positive about this cycle so I hope it stays that way!

-L

Friday, February 1, 2013

Blah!

That's the kind of day I'm having so far.  I'm on CD6 and feeling like crap.  I've had a headache the past 3 days or so with today being the worst.  Currently I am working from bed.  I'm not sure if it's the Letrozole or not.  In the past I haven't really had any side effects from it, but I've learned each cycle is full of new surprises.  Ugh.

We are going in on Tuesday for monitoring and I'm praying for good news. I'd like more that one big follie this time with good lining.  Shoveling out money for bad news is never fun.

-L