The Things We Can Not Say

This topic is a constant battle for people going through IF.  Biting your tongue when someone will not stop talking about their pregnancy or children.  For me, let's get a little more specific.  About 7 girls on my facebook have announced their pregnancy in the past two months.  So as you can imagine my news feed is not short of daily updates on the status of their utes. Here are my problems with facebook and pregnancy:

1. When I see someone announce before the pee stick is even dry I just cringe.  Knowing how fragile a pregnancy is in the first trimester I get so nervous for these girls.  I hate that I think this way, but I always pray for them that nothing goes wrong because they have already put it out there.  I've watched several friends do this then lose the baby only to have the pain worsen by explaining the loss multiple times.  It is not a good idea to announce your pregnancy so early ladies!

2.  My cousin just announced her pregnancy only 5 weeks into it and literally every day is complaining about a new symptom.  It is taking all my strength not to comment on her post.  Nothing pisses me off more than hearing women complain non-stop about something I would kill to have!  I know they do not know my struggle, but you'd think she'd have one good thing to say about being pregnant!  I'm going to avoid her at all cost in real life.

3.  The girl who updates us daily on what her baby (she is only 7 weeks pregnant) wants to eat today.  "Baby want cereal and now!"  "Baby LOVES pasta!" and on and on and on.  Really?  Have you never read a pregnancy book in your entire life.  Do you really believe your baby is craving that food?  Shut up you flucking idiot!

I know I could just hide them on the new feed, but I'm nervous if something happens or when they have the baby I won't see it to congratulate them on facebook and look like a bad cousin because that has already happened once.

Whew! Glad I got that out of my system.  I'm so grateful for my bump girls that know what I'm going through.  I have no idea what I would do without y'all!

-L

Lonely O

Just as I thought I got a positive OPK yesterday which means I either ovulated late yesterday or today.  That would put my timing at O-5 or O-6.  Yeah, not gonna happen. 

E has been out of town all week and I miss him like crazy!  Things are going well so far with my sister in-law.  I'm praying it remains this way.  The next problem is that my parents are coming in town next weekend and I'm going to have to ask my SIL to stay somewhere else for the weekend.  She is sleeping and living out of my spare room where my parents usually stay and my future nursery is filled with all her belongings from her house.  Therefore, there is no where for her to stay when my parents get here.  Hope she takes it well!

-L

Your Precious Love

Not much baby related to discuss today so I thought I'd talk about something random.  I'm pretty sure I've never mentioned why my blog is called what it is. 

When E and I first started dating we used to listen to Otis Redding all the time and dance silly, a lot of "Dirty Dancing" movie moves were going down as well like this one:

Just kidding.  It was more of her dorky moves

Ok I'm so off track now.  Anyway, one day we came across this song and it literally took our breath away.  It just says more than anything how we feel about each other and moves me emotionally more than any song ever has.  We decided to make it our first dance at our wedding.  Just the title reminds me of the things you do for For Your Precious Love.  Enjoy!

-L

Change of Plans

Last week I got a call from my RE.  She just confirmed what I already knew that my HSG came back normal.  Then she told me how she knows this wasn't our plan, but she would like to see how I respond to letrozole before doing an IUI with it.  She said E's SA is not one she considers IUI to be necessary.  So basically she wants to see if we can get KU without spending the money on an IUI.  We could wait until January to start any treatments at all, but she suggests starting with Letrozole alone.

For those who don't know, Letrozole is an ovary stimulating drug to help ovulate.  It seems I ovulate on my own so from what I understand this will help make eggs more mature or possible ovulate more than one to help with our odds.

I discussed it with E and he said "Let's do it!".  He also thinks this is a good plan.  So starting next cycle, which is probably about two weeks away, I will start Letrozole and Progesterone since mine is on the low side.  I'm so excited to be starting a treatment sooner than January!

I have a really good feeling about this and everything crossed that it works for me!!!

-L

Addition to our home

Well, this weekend was an interesting one.  I'm not sure I've really discussed my in-laws too much on here since it is a sensitive subject for me.  About a year ago or so my sister in law and I got into a huge fight, I mean HUGE, and we've been trying to rebuild our relationship since.  We are very different in that I am super sensitive, emotional, and wear my heart on my sleeve.  She is very strong, does not act like much bothers her, and a little guarded.  Anyway, she has come to live with us while she starts the process of divorce. 

This was is a big deal for us because we are so used to it being just the two of us, but it's family.  I would never in a million years turn away family.  Plus, I'm hoping this will maybe mend our relationship and make us closer.  I have extreme anxiety about it all and I just need lots and lots of prayers for her and for me.  I love her very much and just hope E and I can help her get through this rough time.

Also, I have to update you on the baby making plan since it has changed (for the better), but I'll leave that for my next post!

-L

My Poor Ute!

HSG is done and my tubes are clear!  However, my ute wants to punch me in the face for getting this test done.  That was about the worst pain I have felt in a long time.  It hurt a little as they put the tube in, but once the dye started going in I about lost it.  I screamed, yelled, and even threw a few F bombs out there to make things really interesting at 9 in the morning in a dr's office.  I almost fainted so the nurse put cold rags on my face to help.  Fun stuff kids!

This is what the images from a normal HSG would look like (this is not my image though):

You can see how the dye runs out of the tubes showing them clear. 

So now we are done with testing and just trying on our own for the next few months.  We have October, November and December to make this baby happen naturally!  September is already a bust since E will be away on business. 

-L

This is going to sound crazy....

But what would be the difference from all my other posts! Ha!  This story starts back last year at Octoberfest.  E and I had just started trying for a baby and had no clue what was in store for us.  I walked by this psychic reading table and thought I'd see what she had to say.  She was a beautiful Egyptian woman that was so sweet and made me feel so at peace.  She kept hitting the nail on the head with everything she said!  She described by grandfather perfectly, my personality, things between E and I that only we know, etc.  It was insane! At the end of it she said, "I know you are trying for a family, but you need to know that I see trouble in the area for you.  You need to see a specialist.  It's nothing big at all, but you need to see a doctor.  However, I see you pregnant with twins in just over a year.  One is a boy and one is a girl". By the end of the reading I was teary just because of what she knew about my feelings and my grandfather who I miss dearly, but I was skeptical about the fertility part since I had no previous gyno issues.

Fast forward about a year, I have been trying to find this girl for a while now since we did end up having trouble getting pregnant and I could not find her anywhere!  Until this weekend.  I was walking at the fair and basically ran into her booth!  I thought "oh my God, this is meant to be."  I did not tell her that I spoke with her last year.  She did another reading for me and knew about E going back to school, where I am with my job now, the status of my in-laws relationship with me and she said "You have had no luck getting pregnant yet, but the next 2-3 months I see a pregnancy for you.  It is a twin pregnancy with a boy and a girl".  Seriously?!  Again, the same prediction. 

Now I am not saying I put a lot of stock in psychics.  I think they are fun and interesting.  I have gone to quite a few, but never has anyone known what this lady knows.  Now all I can do is pray she is right about the next 2-3 months.  I don't necessarily want twins, but I'll take anything God brings my way!  I hate to say it, but she did help make me optimistic (at least for the next few months)!  Oh and a pic of us from the fair.

-L

HSG Scheduled

After about 6 phone calls back and forth I finally have my HSG scheduled for next Wednesday.  Because of my insurance coverage it will only cost me $32!  I am so nervous about the pain though.  My SIS was supposed to be painless and I almost threw up/passed out from how bad it hurt!  So I am going to pop a couple Tylenol and pray really hard before it.

Tonight the fair is in town so E and a couple of my friends are going to eat our weight in funnel cakes and ride rusty old farris wheels.  I haven't been to the fair since high school so I'm a little too excited about going!  On Saturday I have one of my besties birthday party and a Vandy game to go to.  Then Sunday is dedicated to cleaning this atrocious house!

Hope you have a great weekend!

-L

CD 1

Tears, lots of tears.  I secretly got my hopes up that this was our month.  How perfect would it be to get pregnant on our 2nd Anniversary in Jamaica.  What a great story that would be!  On top of my hopes, I got the flu yesterday and was home ill today.  That totally is just pregnancy symptoms right?  F**k no it wasn't.

Right after I started my mom called to tell me my cousin was pregnant again.  I love my mom so much, but no matter how hard she tries she just cannot understand what I'm going through.

So we move forward because we have no other choice.  My RE called and said my insurance will cover 90% of the HSG which will be scheduled for next week or so.  It's really the last test to be done for us.  Oh I forgot to tell you the icing on the cake!  E has to travel for work and will be out of state the week I will most likely ovulate.

How hard to I have  to pray, cry, beg and plead before I catch a break?

-L

Dreams

I have this reoccurring dream (as I'm sure most women who are TTC do) that I wake up, take a test and it's positive.  Then I take like six more and they are all positive.  I feel surprised, shocked, excited, and all the other emotions that go along with it. 

And then I wake up.

It's such torture that my mind does to me.  I want to feel those feelings in real life.  I want to see a positive test just once!  I'm so scared the only place I'll ever see a positive test and have those feelings is in my dreams.

It's been a rough IF week.  I swear about 7 girls announced their pregnancies on facebook last week.  I had to remind a close friend that what I'm going through is private and I do not wish for her to share my story with random people that say they went through IF as well.  The same friend sends me multiple invites to baby clothing websites.  I know she has no ill intentions whatsoever, but it is insensitive nonetheless.

On another note,  I am really close to buying my first baby item.  I haven't up until now because I thought it might jinx me or something like that, but I really want to have this ready when I finally do get a BFP.

E is majorly obsessed with BMW's and of course we have owned a few by now so I think this is fitting!

-L

Back from vacation!

And it was amazing!  All we did was eat, drink and be happy!  It's so silly, but after we come home from a vacation E and I will chat or text all day because we had got 8 days of nothing but each other for 24/7 and we just can't bear a whole day without talking lol.  Here are a few pics:

I wish I could go back right now!

No updates in babyland right now.  Still trying to drop weight, get healthy and minimize stress by not charting or any of that other stuff.  IUI in January 2013 if we don't get KU before then!

-L