My talk with God

Today is 6 days past ovulation.  For some reason I am so anxious this cycle.  My emotions are all over the place and I'm experiencing feelings I've never had before.  The past few days I was so angry.  Angry that I was having to start fertility treatment, angry that I can't control this situation, and angry that everyone else seems to be getting the one thing I want so badly.  Now I know it is not rational to envy others getting pregnant when you are not, but I couldn't help it.  While saying congrats and smiling, I was aching deep down in my soul.  I begged God to give me that same blessing.

Then yesterday I was driving through this little country area when the sun came through the trees so beautiful and I was overcome.  I felt God.  My heart truly felt like it was soaring and I felt the warmth come over me.  I heard the words "I am a mother" and I almost wanted to cry.  I felt the comfort that I am going to be a mother and I need to trust in God.  Now either I am going crazy so I'm running through too many emotions for my brain to handle or I truly had a talk with God.  I choose to believe the second option.

So now on a more medical note.  Yesterday at 5DPO I woke up with a very small amount of spotting.  This is yet another new experience for me.  It could be a lot of different things, but I don't think it is anything to worry about at this point.  I plan on discussing it with my doctor on Monday.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

-L