I am finally seeing the end of this pathetic little pity party I've been throwing myself since last night and thank God! I guess during this process you always amp yourself up a little thinking about ways to announce you are pregnant, what baby item to buy first, or who to tell first because who are we kidding you are totes KTFU this month! Then reality hits at some point and you end up a sobbing mess in the middle of your bed or with a glass of wine if you're real fancy lol. So this was me last night. I got a text message from one of my dearest friends telling me she was pregnant with her second baby just 9 months or so after having her first. Now let me start off by saying I am ecstatic for her. She is an amazing mother and that baby is so blessed to have her. These were not tears of envy or anger. They were simply tears of sadness. I instantly felt like will I ever get to send a text like that or will I ever even get pregnant? I think that's all it took for E to snap and finally tell me how he is feeling.
E explained that he is sad right there with me, but feels like he has no one to talk to because he is always trying to be my rock and support me. Then came my tears of sorrow for E ever feeling any ounce of pain during this process. The last thing I ever want is for him to be sad or stressed about what we are going through, but this is our reality and we have to face sadness sometimes. We talked for a long time, laughed, and in the end felt a lot better. Sometimes we all just have days we need to get a good cry in.
With that said, I am 10DPO right now. Took a test this morning and it was BFN. I'm still holding out hope though by stalking other charts that had a negative before a positive (totally healthy right?).
-L
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