CD3: It's Showtime!

After waiting what felt like forever for my test results, here they are.  My Vitamin D is 18 which is considered deficient.  My testosterone was 0.55 which is on the low side, but she said it was ok.  My insulin was 16.6 which is much to high for me.  So here is the plan:

First, I will be taking 500mg of Metformin everyday for the next two months at least.  This is supposed to help with the insulin and sugar processing problem.  So far I am pretty nauseous the morning after taking it and a little dizzy.

Second, I will be taking 4000iu Vitamin D for the next two months until I go back for another check.  No side effects from this so far.

Third, starting today through CD7 I am taking 5mg of Letrozole for ovulation stimulation.  This is double the dose of what I've been taking the past two cycles.

I'll go in for monitoring on CD14 to see if we have a follicle big enough to trigger.  If so, E will be stabbing me with this needle to signal the egg that it is game time! 

We are just doing TI this month since RE seems to think we have a pretty good chance without an IUI.  Let's hope she is right. Also, she will not put me on progesterone supplements until my draw on 7dpo because she thinks she can fix the progesterone problem from the front in with all that I previously mentioned.  Of course if it is low she will have me start the progesterone.  Anyone else have an RE doing the same instead of just having you start progesterone before the draw?

When E came home with all my meds I got really happy for some weird reason.  Like looking at all of that gave me hope.  I have a really good feeling about Santa bringing me the best Christmas gift ever.  

-L

PCOS?

Yesterday E and I saw our RE.  She is such an awkward little mousy woman.  She comes in, sits down and just stares at us with this awkward smile.  She doesn't say anything for what felt like forever.  Finally she said really odd like, "So.. you're here to discuss uh next steps?".  I thought really, this bish has no clue why we are here?!  She is the one who asked us to come in!   Well anyway, she reviewed my progesterone problem and explained how she thinks I'm having trouble ovulating strong enough to sustain good progesterone.

Then she decides that I need to be checked for PCOS again, or wait, was I ever checked for it?!  I know I've done a ton of blood work and ultrasounds, but being tested for insulin resistant and all that jazz I'm not sure.  So they took some blood and explained if it comes back that I am insulin resistant she wants me on Metformin for 6 weeks with no other treatment.  If I come back all good then we can proceed with Letrozole, trigger at home, and TI. She thinks that we have a good shot at that working without doing an IUI right now. Shirley came in and showed us how to give the trigger shot (which I'm letting E do because I'd never have the guts to do it myself) and sent us on our way.

As of today I'm still waiting on AF and my blood work results.  I got online and saw that only my Vitamin D level had came back so far and it was low enough to be considered deficient.  Not sure what that means or what she wants to do about it.

I would love to hear from you ladies if you know anything about low Vit D or any of this stuff that just got thrown at me.  I'm praying no PCOS so I can continue treatment and not sit out for 6 weeks.

I'm back bishes!

I'm finally ready to come out of my hiatus.  I just really needed a break.  Sometimes you just can't bring yourself to keep talking about the shitty IF journey you are in.  I feel better now and refreshed!

So let me update you on last month.  We did 2.5mg of Femera and timed intercourse.  My progesterone came back at 9.something.  After she said 9 I was so let down I didn't even hear the last part of it.  So RE decided to put me on progesterone suppositories which are disgusting!  They are these little pink balls that I have to put up inside me every 12 hours.  On top of being messy they make me feel like crap.  I have been tired, nauseous, headaches, sore body, etc.  It is not the best thing I've experienced.  Then that brings us to today.  I had my beta this morning.  Just got the call that it was negative.  Pretty much what I expected, but still stings. 

So I'm waiting to hear back on an appointment with RE to see what the game plan is going forward.  Here is how I feel today:

 

-L

Hello there

I just wanted to pop in and give a little update.  I'm not in a good place right now mentally.  I didn't think Femera had side effects, but I have been crying for two days (which is so not me).  E thinks I've given up just when we are so close.  I'm blaming IF for taking away so much of my life including Christmas now.  It's so depressing what IF turns you into.  My body has changed, my sex life, my personal life, my friends, and now Christmas.  We are really skimping on Christmas to pay for an IUI if this cycle doesn't work out.  Life is just not fair.

I am rambling.  Currently I'm on CD9.  I'm not sure how much I will actually be blogging this month.  At this moment I do not feel like blogging, looking at TB or anything else baby related.  I'm just exhausted.

But I love you all and I'm always thinking of you!  Hopefully I'll get out of the rut soon and be able to come back.

-L

November's Plan

Well, it's CD1 again.  I let myself cheat on my diet today because I felt sorry for myself. Haha!  I want to reflect on this last cycle though.  I need to find the good in it.  So the Letrozole did help with my progesterone which was the highest it's ever been at 16.1!!! Also, it helped lengthen my LP by 1 day!!  So I'd say besides getting me knocked up it was pretty successful.  :)

Let me introduce you to a character in my life now since she is becoming a regular.  Her name is Shirley.  Shirley works for Dr. Eisenberg, my RE, and I'm not exactly sure what she does.  She might do billing?  I'm not sure how I got her direct number, but somehow she get shit done for me so I keep calling her.  I think I'm supposed to be calling my nurse, but Shirley has never told me to stop calling her and I think she likes me lol.

Anyway, I called Shirley today to let her know AF showed.  She called back and said Dr. Eisenberg wants me on the same dosage of Letrozole this month and if we are not pregnant this time I need to come in for an appointment.  It sounds like Dr. E will want to have a sit down talk about the next step?  I'm not sure.  What do y'all think we would need to talk about?  I have to pay her almost $200 just to have an appointment so I figured if we need to move on to IUI in December a quick phone call would do right?  I don't know.

Let's all just pray this coming month is it!  E is taking Fertility Blend for men right now so I am hoping that will help too.

-L

Moving forward

Looks like this cycle was a bust.  I tested at 10, 11, and 12DPO all were BFN.  I fully expect AF to be here tomorrow.  Just by looking at the calendar and realizing we will be out of state for Thanksgiving, I realize IUI is not a good choice this coming up cycle.  I'm going to call my RE when AF comes and see what she wants to do with us. 

Honestly, I'm doing better than I thought I would.  I really had my hopes up this month.  I had daydreamed for a week about all the details of how I would tell E and my parents.  I cried a little before going into the gym on Saturday, but besides that I have held it together.  I just know a big breakdown is coming soon though.  You can only be strong for so long....

-L

What is going on?

I don't know what is up with me this week, but I am just not myself.  For one, I have not been able to fall asleep and find myself tossing and turning trying to get to sleep.  I'm not in pain.  It's more like I have a million things on my mind for some reason.  They are not even important thoughts, just a lot of them.  I feel so anxious like trying to fall asleep the  night before something exciting....except nothing exciting is awaiting me the next day.
Maybe it's anxiety?  But where would the anxiety be coming from?  I just wish I could get some sleep and calm my thoughts.  No amount of meditation or yoga is helping me now.

Also, I'm feeling really down on myself about my weight.  I'm the heaviest I've ever been.  I think some of it can be contributed to the stress/depression of IF.  I love to work out, but dieting is sooooo hard for me!!  Literally two days into a diet and I've already cheated.  Ugh!  I'm embarrassed for friends or family to see me like this too.  I hardly recognize how round my face has become. 

Okay okay, pity party over!  I'm going to go count sheep and pray for some sleep!

-L